Murphy for President

Yes, I know this is a picture of Sage.  She is Murphy's campaign manager.  And she asked me to post Murphy's positions on a number of issues vital to this country.  All three of us listened to the most recent Republican and Democratic debates, and Murphy realized no-one was talking about these critical issues, so she decided to throw her collar into the ring.

Border Security: Fences, expanded identification, passports...it all seems fairly ridiculous to Murphy.  Any lab will tell you, if you want to get through, over, under, or around a fence, gate, or guard, you can do it.  It just takes thinking like a lab.  It's better to spend the money making sure Canadian beer can flow freely, and people who are looking for work can find it closer to their family, friends, and yes, dogs.  

Other Foreign Policy Issues: First, it is time to bring the bomb sniffing dogs home.  Their lives are in constant danger, and it looks like there is no end in sight for their work, just bring them home.  Murphy believes if you humans want to fight a war, go ahead, but bring the dogs home.  They didn't volunteer, they were ordered over there.  Second, stop the quarantines.  Why is it when a dog wants to go to France, they have to be in a kennel for 90 days?  What?  Do they think their cheese is any better than our cheese?  Maybe it would help our relations with France if we treated dogs here like they do there.  Open up those restaurants and fancy Hermes stores to dogs.  Third, let's bankrupt China by not buying crappy dog food from them.  That will show them who still controls the global economy.

Energy Policy:  In theory mass transit is great.  Everyone who isn't owned by a lab should be using mass transit.  For those labs who need to get to the forests, rivers, lakes, mountains, lab limos are required and should be subsidized.  However, we have heard from a very good source that there are pretty good treats to be found on buses, so if labs are forced to ride with the "regular joes," make sure the bus is well stocked with doughnut crumbs, forgotten sandwiches, and bags of chips. 

The Environment: Ok, so there is global warming.  Let's get a little adaptive, and understand for older dogs, a lot of sunshine is not such a bad thing.  But, sucking all the carbon from cars when we're running in the morning isn't so hot.  And don't you think we would all be more concerned about conserving open space if you could hike, swim, fish, with your dog?  How about letting dogs at least hike in National Parks?  Or be off leash on trails?  Swim in lakes?  Murphy believes the trail to protecting the environment goes right through how much we open up public lands for the dogs.

Health Care:  You humans think health care costs are out of control, try seeing a vet. Corporations have bought up small vet clinics because they know they can make big bucks off of the backs of animals.  That is wrong.  Every animal (yes, including cats) deserves access to the same medical care chi-chi dogs from Park Avenue get.  

Taxes: Not a problem.  Dogs don't pay them.  But, about this licensing thing.  Don't you think it is perpetuating the idea that dogs are property by requiring dog licenses?  Free the dogs!  Dogs are humans, too!

Political Process: What is with you people?  Did you not hear of evolution, or do you only think that applies to beaks and fins?  All this arguing over changing positions?  It's silly.  Frankly, Murphy believes changing your mind, evolving your thoughts is a good thing.  A sign of flexibility, adroitness, intelligence.  She enjoys change, as in when a human says no, no, no, you can not have steak bites....well, ok, just one.  Or, Absolutely not, no way can you get on the couch....ok, if you want to watch Westminster Dog Show with me, hop up.  As she says, changing your mind demonstrates higher evolution, especially when humans see the light about how to treat labs.

If Murphy is elected she promises to not tear up the Rose Garden, to make sure her cabinet is housebroken so the carpets in the White House are not soiled, and to invite the cast from Snow Dogs to the Inauguration.  

Murphy's day.