Expecting

This is, I suspect, a now familiar sight to young parents.

Fo us, it is an ultrasound of a Wire-haired Pointing Griffon named Bree who lives near Helena, Montana.

And in her there may be a pup.

This has been a long time coming.  We have spent a lot of time researching, thinking, talking, thinking...

Delivery day is sometime in early May.

Murphy's Day!

Rejuvenation

Easter is about rejuvenation.  About renewal and hope.  It is no coincidence that Easter is in Spring, when the daffodils and crocus are blooming.

We are three months into the year.  It's already been a tough one for us, losing Sage.

But we appreciate every moment, enjoy each laugh, stop and hug each other.

We are looking for some sort of renewal.

Murphy's Day.

Clingy

It has been a month since Sage died.  A very long month.  I still hear her, see her, reach for her bowl to feed her, anticipate walking her...

And Annie and Willa seem to cling to each other.  It is rare when they are not near by or together.

They are having their moments of absolute lab joy, however.  On Friday late afternoon we managed to get into the upper Yakima for an hour of fishing.  Little cold, some wind, no fish.  But the girls were in labrador heaven.  Tons of scents, water, and open space.  At one point Willa, in a fit of pure happiness tried to leap from one side of a channel to the other, almost making it before crashing into the soft sand.  She is a remarkable athlete.  Intense, confident, risk taking.

Annie went a little feral at the end, as I was breaking down my rod and taking off waders, wandering down a near by bike trail until she realized I was serious about leaving and would let her stay if she didn't come...sometimes reasoning actually works!

But there is sadness, still, in this house.  And we are all a little clingy.

Murphy's Day.

Learning to Sleep

For the past few years Annie stayed close to Sage at night.  After Sage died, Annie stayed very close to me.  But now that we are several weeks past Sage's death, Annie is beginning to start the night with me, then leave and end up downstairs.

Yesterday I came downstairs and found Annie sprawled on Sage's bed.

She is learning to sleep, again.

Murphy's Day.

Paying Close Attention

I remember when Murphy died and how I watched Sage like a hawk.  I fretted and worried about her.  We played together a lot more (which is hard to add more play time in these dogs lives, but we did it), took longer walks, held each other.

I find myself doing the same thing, now, with Annie Oakley and Willa.  After breakfast, Willa wants to play chase, and I throw myself into the game, relishing the time.  Annie snuggles under my desk as I work and I find my hand petting her as I work.  It's as if I am trying to pull them even closer to me.

It feels like there is still a large empty hole where Sage once was.  And its like I want to speed up the process of trying to fill that hole.  I know that what it really takes is time, tiny moments.  Moments that I must pay close attention to and feel.

Murphy's Day.

Pack Time

It has been a rough two weeks for all of us.  Willa and Annie sniff Sage's bed, Willa puts a ball on the bed...they seem anxious if anything in their routine changes.  On Wednesday I had a lengthy out of office meeting and when I returned, they were overjoyed to see me (when usually they barely get up off their beds when I walk in the door!).

After the meeting, we had appointments with the vet.  Sage's ashes were in, so I thought all of us would go.  Annie needed vaccinations, Willa needed medicine for her ears.

We pull into the vet's parking lot, they hop out, Annie gets a whiff of the "place" and absolutely refuses to go in.  In fact, she drug Willa and me back to the car.  So I put her in and Willa went.

We ran into out old vet, the woman who cared so well for Murphy.  She is semi-retired, but has been at the clinic more and more.  We talked about Sage, she loved on Willa.  I felt cared for by an old friend.

In the end, we got Annie into the clinic, shots administered, hearts listened to, new vet met, Sage picked up.

And Willa and Annie didn't leave my side all night.

We are working through a lot right now.

Murphy's Day.

I Can See Her

Labs are "routine" dogs.  They like patterns, to know something will happen in a particular way at a specific time.

In the last year of Sage's life, we had a routine.  I would get up, come downstairs, wish her good morning as I turned on the lights.  I would make my coffee, read the news, then we would go for a nice walk in the neighborhood.

Since she died, I have come downstairs, turned to her bed, and said "good morning."  I can see her.

We stayed in Seattle this weekend.  Every moment in the house was filled with Sage.

I can see her.

Murphy's Day.

Comfort

Had a long talk with Sage's breeder yesterday.  We talked about how Sage provided so much comfort to me.  She was my friend, always by my side, as I took care of my parents.  I remember going to see my father, a few hours after he died.  Coming back to the car and burying my face in her...

And Sage knew comfort.  She always sought out the plush bed, the warm fire, the biggest food bowl.

I miss her terribly.  I miss her comfort.

Murphy's Day.